Friday, February 27, 2009

Sweet Merciful Lord

Blogging may be dead but my career sure aint.

In these wonderful times of stimulus packages and bailouts its nice to know that sometimes, after 6 fucking years, those of us that work hard get rewarded. I remember when stimulus and package were used only in the context of pornotube and not economic melt down. Who would have thought that after years and years of toiling in a thriving economy, it would simply take the ruination of our country to get me a promotion!

The amazing events that led to my prosperity are best displayed in a timeline, so pull up a chair and put your best "I'm totally paying attention" face on ,while I review the facts in evidence.

February 2002 - I graduate college, I should have graduated in June of 2001 but I dropped out of high school and it took me awhile to realize that a GED was necessary in life. Try as I might I couldn't make up that missing semester.

May 2002 - I get my first "real" job (ie a job where I don't have to show cleavage for tips) at a company owned and run by extended family members.

July 2002 - I realize that even though I'm family I don't mean shit to my bosses and start pondering the merits of business school.

August 2002 - I create a resume for graduate school and on a whim post it to monster.com

September 2002 - I get a call from a head hunter (my liberal arts majoring self had no idea that this was a profession or that you could hire someone to pimp you out to corporate companies free of charge.)

February 2002 - I get my first job where nepotism isn't involved.

March 2003 - I realize the gigantic mistake I've made.

October 2005 - I start this blog out of desperation and fear, I will never get a promotion, I will never be appreciated, I will never get to throw a stapler at my bosses head!

June 2006 - I start my new job at the advertising firm, where I am asked to vacuum conference rooms with a dust buster and wash dishes for lazy, fat, and closeted art directors.

August 2006 - I am fired at my job at the advertising firm, coincidentally it seems that they have not really 'grown' as a business since 2007, poor guys I hope this economy isn't beating you all in the genitals.

November 2006 - I start my job at Carlin

December 2006 - I loose my password to this blog

January 2007 - My company is acquired by RBC and I'm back in corporate finance where I started in essentially the same position just a different department.

TWO YEARS OF STAGNANCY!!!!!!!

Late 2008 - The economy starts going to hell, we elect a super cool awesome president with the power to give us hope, people start loosing jobs.

Early 2009 - We are a fucking broke ass country, it's gonna take a little more then hope to fix this shit, it's going to take rules and regulations. Some of these rules and regulations create jobs (while most create unemployment) and I am approached about one of these jobs.

This week (Wednesday to be specific) - I am offered said job, and a raise. I go home and drink tequila. Yay for me, I'm not a fucking peon anymore. Suck it Bear Sterns, suck it AIG, suck it hard Bernie Madoff. I'm a happy girl (for now.)

Tonight - I will go out a drink till I forget my name.

Well, I'm sorry about the quality of the presentation, I didn't have time to reserve the projector for the power point presentation, but needless to say I hope this is a good thing. It's funny to see my professional life summed up in a few short sentences but really my professional life has been unworthy of anything more.

I hope you are all still employed, if it makes you feel better, I didn't loose your money but I can give you the names of some of the assholes who did.