Youth is wasted on the young
I am the youngest person in my department. Perhaps by as much as 5 years junior. I only say this because not a day goes by where I am not reminded of how my status is a direct reflection of my age. Those with "experience" look at my face, devoid of any signs of a life well lived and smile to themselves about how I have so much to look forward to, so much to experience. I imagine that in my few years walking this earth I have seen much more and done more then most of them put together.
True I have yet to obtain that stupid piece of paper that would value my worth at least 50,000 more then its current price. But dignity is cheap these days and who isn't willing to "shill out" for the comfortable ignorance that allows us to believe that we are working for something down the line. Some sort of nest egg, an IRA, 401K and various other letters on the eye chart that is retirement.
Should I take my cues from the older gentlemen in my midst; those on their second marriage, those who are mourning the death of their first, those that wish that it would die, those who proclaim to be madly in love, yet only the pictures of children adorn their desks as if they popped out of mid air? Where are the pictures of the wombs who carried and labored for these children? Perhaps I should take the path of the younger Asian women with whom I work. All married or working so hard for it. I believe pregnancy to be contagious, it seems when one woman finds herself carrying life that others must follow suit in order to feel validated as a woman. We are looking forward to at least three different cases of maternity leave in February alone.
Perhaps this is all simply the ignorance of my "youth." I have seen and done much, and yet when you look at my face none of it is reflected. This may be the blessing and curse of the young, the ability to bounce back from that which would mar or damage those with more time. I can smooth out the night before with an hours sleep. It appears to those with an aged eye that I have yet to "live" and I can feel the mental head pats when I do something of worth or perhaps speak with words that colloquial conversation of a twenty something generally lacks.
Though I have been around for 24 years I posses the lolita looks of an eighteen year old when I wake up in the morning with no make up on my skin. I must play dress up in order to be taken with any ounce of seriousness. I put on the clothes of an adult and apply color to my face like it was a paint by number canvas, yet still my eyes reveal my youth and then some. So sit in worldy, knowledgeable judgment of me and brush aside my ideas and abilities with the simple notion of youth, someday, I hope, I will be able to prove you wrong.
True I have yet to obtain that stupid piece of paper that would value my worth at least 50,000 more then its current price. But dignity is cheap these days and who isn't willing to "shill out" for the comfortable ignorance that allows us to believe that we are working for something down the line. Some sort of nest egg, an IRA, 401K and various other letters on the eye chart that is retirement.
Should I take my cues from the older gentlemen in my midst; those on their second marriage, those who are mourning the death of their first, those that wish that it would die, those who proclaim to be madly in love, yet only the pictures of children adorn their desks as if they popped out of mid air? Where are the pictures of the wombs who carried and labored for these children? Perhaps I should take the path of the younger Asian women with whom I work. All married or working so hard for it. I believe pregnancy to be contagious, it seems when one woman finds herself carrying life that others must follow suit in order to feel validated as a woman. We are looking forward to at least three different cases of maternity leave in February alone.
Perhaps this is all simply the ignorance of my "youth." I have seen and done much, and yet when you look at my face none of it is reflected. This may be the blessing and curse of the young, the ability to bounce back from that which would mar or damage those with more time. I can smooth out the night before with an hours sleep. It appears to those with an aged eye that I have yet to "live" and I can feel the mental head pats when I do something of worth or perhaps speak with words that colloquial conversation of a twenty something generally lacks.
Though I have been around for 24 years I posses the lolita looks of an eighteen year old when I wake up in the morning with no make up on my skin. I must play dress up in order to be taken with any ounce of seriousness. I put on the clothes of an adult and apply color to my face like it was a paint by number canvas, yet still my eyes reveal my youth and then some. So sit in worldy, knowledgeable judgment of me and brush aside my ideas and abilities with the simple notion of youth, someday, I hope, I will be able to prove you wrong.
posted by selling my soul at 9:47 AM
3 Comments:
Those in your midst appear to mistake age for experience. Age is just a number. Life experience ... that is invaluable.
Ah but we assume that an education and a high paying job equals insight, which often it does not.
I look about 10 years younger than my age as well.. I completely relate to people not taking you seriously. It's frustrating.. but the thing to be grateful for is that when you're 40, people will be so jealous how you don't look a day over 25..
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