Sweet Merciful Lord
Blogging may be dead but my career sure aint.
In these wonderful times of stimulus packages and bailouts its nice to know that sometimes, after 6 fucking years, those of us that work hard get rewarded. I remember when stimulus and package were used only in the context of pornotube and not economic melt down. Who would have thought that after years and years of toiling in a thriving economy, it would simply take the ruination of our country to get me a promotion!
The amazing events that led to my prosperity are best displayed in a timeline, so pull up a chair and put your best "I'm totally paying attention" face on ,while I review the facts in evidence.
February 2002 - I graduate college, I should have graduated in June of 2001 but I dropped out of high school and it took me awhile to realize that a GED was necessary in life. Try as I might I couldn't make up that missing semester.
May 2002 - I get my first "real" job (ie a job where I don't have to show cleavage for tips) at a company owned and run by extended family members.
July 2002 - I realize that even though I'm family I don't mean shit to my bosses and start pondering the merits of business school.
August 2002 - I create a resume for graduate school and on a whim post it to monster.com
September 2002 - I get a call from a head hunter (my liberal arts majoring self had no idea that this was a profession or that you could hire someone to pimp you out to corporate companies free of charge.)
February 2002 - I get my first job where nepotism isn't involved.
March 2003 - I realize the gigantic mistake I've made.
October 2005 - I start this blog out of desperation and fear, I will never get a promotion, I will never be appreciated, I will never get to throw a stapler at my bosses head!
June 2006 - I start my new job at the advertising firm, where I am asked to vacuum conference rooms with a dust buster and wash dishes for lazy, fat, and closeted art directors.
August 2006 - I am fired at my job at the advertising firm, coincidentally it seems that they have not really 'grown' as a business since 2007, poor guys I hope this economy isn't beating you all in the genitals.
November 2006 - I start my job at Carlin
December 2006 - I loose my password to this blog
January 2007 - My company is acquired by RBC and I'm back in corporate finance where I started in essentially the same position just a different department.
TWO YEARS OF STAGNANCY!!!!!!!
Late 2008 - The economy starts going to hell, we elect a super cool awesome president with the power to give us hope, people start loosing jobs.
Early 2009 - We are a fucking broke ass country, it's gonna take a little more then hope to fix this shit, it's going to take rules and regulations. Some of these rules and regulations create jobs (while most create unemployment) and I am approached about one of these jobs.
This week (Wednesday to be specific) - I am offered said job, and a raise. I go home and drink tequila. Yay for me, I'm not a fucking peon anymore. Suck it Bear Sterns, suck it AIG, suck it hard Bernie Madoff. I'm a happy girl (for now.)
Tonight - I will go out a drink till I forget my name.
Well, I'm sorry about the quality of the presentation, I didn't have time to reserve the projector for the power point presentation, but needless to say I hope this is a good thing. It's funny to see my professional life summed up in a few short sentences but really my professional life has been unworthy of anything more.
I hope you are all still employed, if it makes you feel better, I didn't loose your money but I can give you the names of some of the assholes who did.
In these wonderful times of stimulus packages and bailouts its nice to know that sometimes, after 6 fucking years, those of us that work hard get rewarded. I remember when stimulus and package were used only in the context of pornotube and not economic melt down. Who would have thought that after years and years of toiling in a thriving economy, it would simply take the ruination of our country to get me a promotion!
The amazing events that led to my prosperity are best displayed in a timeline, so pull up a chair and put your best "I'm totally paying attention" face on ,while I review the facts in evidence.
February 2002 - I graduate college, I should have graduated in June of 2001 but I dropped out of high school and it took me awhile to realize that a GED was necessary in life. Try as I might I couldn't make up that missing semester.
May 2002 - I get my first "real" job (ie a job where I don't have to show cleavage for tips) at a company owned and run by extended family members.
July 2002 - I realize that even though I'm family I don't mean shit to my bosses and start pondering the merits of business school.
August 2002 - I create a resume for graduate school and on a whim post it to monster.com
September 2002 - I get a call from a head hunter (my liberal arts majoring self had no idea that this was a profession or that you could hire someone to pimp you out to corporate companies free of charge.)
February 2002 - I get my first job where nepotism isn't involved.
March 2003 - I realize the gigantic mistake I've made.
October 2005 - I start this blog out of desperation and fear, I will never get a promotion, I will never be appreciated, I will never get to throw a stapler at my bosses head!
June 2006 - I start my new job at the advertising firm, where I am asked to vacuum conference rooms with a dust buster and wash dishes for lazy, fat, and closeted art directors.
August 2006 - I am fired at my job at the advertising firm, coincidentally it seems that they have not really 'grown' as a business since 2007, poor guys I hope this economy isn't beating you all in the genitals.
November 2006 - I start my job at Carlin
December 2006 - I loose my password to this blog
January 2007 - My company is acquired by RBC and I'm back in corporate finance where I started in essentially the same position just a different department.
TWO YEARS OF STAGNANCY!!!!!!!
Late 2008 - The economy starts going to hell, we elect a super cool awesome president with the power to give us hope, people start loosing jobs.
Early 2009 - We are a fucking broke ass country, it's gonna take a little more then hope to fix this shit, it's going to take rules and regulations. Some of these rules and regulations create jobs (while most create unemployment) and I am approached about one of these jobs.
This week (Wednesday to be specific) - I am offered said job, and a raise. I go home and drink tequila. Yay for me, I'm not a fucking peon anymore. Suck it Bear Sterns, suck it AIG, suck it hard Bernie Madoff. I'm a happy girl (for now.)
Tonight - I will go out a drink till I forget my name.
Well, I'm sorry about the quality of the presentation, I didn't have time to reserve the projector for the power point presentation, but needless to say I hope this is a good thing. It's funny to see my professional life summed up in a few short sentences but really my professional life has been unworthy of anything more.
I hope you are all still employed, if it makes you feel better, I didn't loose your money but I can give you the names of some of the assholes who did.
posted by selling my soul at 12:34 PM
3 comments
