In demand
I have taken a phone call today and am contemplating whether I should follow up or abandon it. It was a recruiter, again, I feel so popular, every body wants some.
This one was recommended my name by a friend of mine. To them I'm a nice size commission, to me it could be an entirely new disaster. Do I really want to partake in the absurdity of the interview process? Sell my self like a product, listing my abilities like additives displayed on the side of a box. Do I want to get wrapped up in office politics all over again, learn a new place, new people, a new set of rules and regulations? I'm to old to adapt so quickly and yet to young to settle down comfortably.
I want to follow in the footsteps of people who I admire, people who were able abandon caution and proceed with what they knew would make them happy. My problem is that I've been involved here too long. I've grown up a bit because I work here and I have financial responsibilities, I can't skip out on my rent and run amok across Europe because that's what I feel like doing. Some where along the way I picked up habits and skills, not only am I fluid with MS office, but I've become fluid in adulthood.
I still stand on the sidelines, toes pointed inward hands clasped behind my back, looking much like the little girl I imagine myself to be, but the other day I received my 401K statement and analyzed my investments to see where I should consider vesting a higher percentage. What????!!! Am I the same person who held onto the AOL stock my family gave me when I was 14 until it had made me over 4,000 dollars , and then held on until it lost me 3,000? The girl who couldn't call for customer service because I hate how they bully you into believing that you are the cause of the problem. I made a "genius" cry at the Tech bar in Soho the other day. I called him some bad names and threatened to come back day after day after day unless they unwrapped a new iPod from the front shelf, no conspicuous foil packaging for me, I paid good money for this piece of shit!
What's happening, is it too late to undo the damage this place has caused? Will the next place help or hurt more. Can I face it, can I put myself out there and play the game like a novice all over again. I have my routine, I have a sense of tomorrow.
I didn't always.
This one was recommended my name by a friend of mine. To them I'm a nice size commission, to me it could be an entirely new disaster. Do I really want to partake in the absurdity of the interview process? Sell my self like a product, listing my abilities like additives displayed on the side of a box. Do I want to get wrapped up in office politics all over again, learn a new place, new people, a new set of rules and regulations? I'm to old to adapt so quickly and yet to young to settle down comfortably.
I want to follow in the footsteps of people who I admire, people who were able abandon caution and proceed with what they knew would make them happy. My problem is that I've been involved here too long. I've grown up a bit because I work here and I have financial responsibilities, I can't skip out on my rent and run amok across Europe because that's what I feel like doing. Some where along the way I picked up habits and skills, not only am I fluid with MS office, but I've become fluid in adulthood.
I still stand on the sidelines, toes pointed inward hands clasped behind my back, looking much like the little girl I imagine myself to be, but the other day I received my 401K statement and analyzed my investments to see where I should consider vesting a higher percentage. What????!!! Am I the same person who held onto the AOL stock my family gave me when I was 14 until it had made me over 4,000 dollars , and then held on until it lost me 3,000? The girl who couldn't call for customer service because I hate how they bully you into believing that you are the cause of the problem. I made a "genius" cry at the Tech bar in Soho the other day. I called him some bad names and threatened to come back day after day after day unless they unwrapped a new iPod from the front shelf, no conspicuous foil packaging for me, I paid good money for this piece of shit!
What's happening, is it too late to undo the damage this place has caused? Will the next place help or hurt more. Can I face it, can I put myself out there and play the game like a novice all over again. I have my routine, I have a sense of tomorrow.
I didn't always.
posted by selling my soul at 2:32 PM
3 Comments:
so what is it that you want to do? if you can figure that out, then i think it really is as simple as just going for it. the real problem is if, like me, you don't know what you want, since you don't have anything specific to aim for.
I kind of believe that no one really knows what they want, and those who have convinced themselves burn out before they can truly enjoy what they thought they wanted.
I think that's a good point.. but do you feel stifled where you are? You have new skills.. you can always learn more somewhere else and now you can feel more comfortable asking for what you want knowing what your current place is offering. Can't say I'm a lot happier, but that's what I did, got paid more, have a better work crew, even if it's still not what I want to do forever.. it'll do for now.
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