Professional Conduct Training

Here's what I learned today from the very nice lawyer who stood at the podium addressing those of us not slick enough to figure a way out of this "mandatory" training session;

1) It is illegal to have any sort of personality in a professional setting.

2) Forget that you are any of the following; a woman, a man, a homosexual, straight, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, Jewish, catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist, atheist, agnostic, Protestant, handicapped, fat, thin, attractive,ugly, smart, stupid, short, tall, pregnant, barren, or any other trait that may make you an individual. You should be a good employee and nothing more.

3) You are protected by the law if you are an equal opportunity asshole.

4) There are procedures set up to assist and protect you (however should you try and use these procedures you will find that they are only a figment of corporate law's imaginations.)

5) Do not under any circumstances touch anyone anywhere at anytime!

6) Homosexuals are not protected by federal law under the equal employment act of 1967.

All in all the most important thing I took away from this course is to run as far and as fast as I can from corporate America before they dip me in whatever they have used to sterilize and deprogram those with any signs of individuality. Stomping grapes in Spain never looked so good!