A Conversation With My Boss (In Reality and In My Mind)

"-t-"

Yes you disgusting, sorry sack of shit, what do you want? What? What? Can't figure out how to turn your computer on today?
"Yes?"

"-t- I need you to come in here we need to talk about a few things."

Oh you want to talk to me, you acknowledge I have the ability to communicate above and beyond simple dog commands such as get, bring, no, bad, ect.
"I'll be right there..."

"We need to publish the FAP (financial accounting package) for the first quarter already. Its May, why hasn't it been sent out?"

Because I like to fuck with you. See when I come here I don't actually do any work, I sit at my desk at bang on the keyboard, randomly pick up the phone and basicly laugh at how you pay me to fuck off all day...
"The financials still haven't been released for the broker dealer and I'm waiting on accounts payable to hand my their graphs and summary for the quarter."

"Well, this needs to happen now, make it happen before the week."

Of course, I'll just use my super powers and magically make all my co-workers drop what they're doing so that you can send out your pretty, shiny, imposing book to the other departments so they can see what a great boss you are.
"I'll try my best, but at the latest I'll have it done by next Wednesday."

"If that's the best you can do then I'll guess we'll just have to settle for it."

Die! Die! Die!
"Sorry about the delay."