That's My Toe Under There

"Tanya?"
I hear my name posed as a question, which can only mean the M------ is looking for me. She would be the only senior member in the office who treats me with an ounce of dignity and candor.
"Yes"
I make my way into her office, being the president of the company her office is the nicest of the lot and she keeps family moment's on every shelf and nook, which gives it a homey comfortable feeling. I glance at the costco size jar of pretzel rods as I walk in, thinking how good something salty would be at this moment.
"Tanya, I created some files and stacked them over there, would you please create hanging folders for them and put them in the cabinet?"
Her filing cabinet is a cherry wood credenza look alike with four large drawers which appear to be stuffed to capacity.
"Would you mind terribly if I moved somethings to the back storage area?"
I glance in her direction looking for approval.
"Sure, yes, do whatever you want."
I pull open a drawer and crack another to see what's inside. All of a sudden the unit is tipping, stopped from falling over completely by my right toes, which are currently wedged under the corner and cracking under the weight.
I cry out and brace the unit, but it weighs more then I do and continues to push me over.
"Oh god, help!" M---- cries out, "somebody help us!" She rushed over and braces the unit with all her weight but still between the two of us we can't right the cabinet.

I hobble into a cab and make my way home, my doctor will see me in the morning.

Out of the Frying Pan

See, here's the thing no one told me about, after doing corporate for two years and getting accustomed to having a place and a job description, moving to small sector is damn near torture.

I arrive at the new job on time, eager and ready to show what I'm worth. There seems to be a mistake with the contact I've signed. I'm not there to assist copy, I'm there to assist the account teams. I meet a lesbian who fits the stereotype to a tee. Short hair, baggy pants, polo shirt and flat Aerosole dress shoes with laces up the front. She sits me in my cube and I look over the list that the prior employee has kindly made for me.

"Make sure the pantry is stocked at all times."

Wait, surely I read that wrong, they want me to stock the pantry?

"The refrigerator must be cleaned out every Friday, send a mass email to all employees letting them know that this will be happening."

Clean the Refrigerator, hell I don't even clean my own refrigerator.

I smile and take it in stride as the day goes by. I leave at 5:30 and take the ride home to think about what's wrong with a little extra grunt work. I make it into the office at 9AM the next day. The lesbian is waiting for me.

"Make copies for myself M-----, M------, and L-----." She shoves some papers in my face and I'm off to the copy room. I return five minutes later and hand her the stack.

"Um...-t-....What's wrong with this picture?" She asks making me feel like an 11 year old who just got busted for writing on the bathroom wall.
"No staple, -t- everything must be stapled or clipped, do you understand, we can't trust you with important work if things are not done properly. This is unacceptable."
I stammer and nod my head retreating to my desk. From the tone in her voice you wold have thought I handed her a dead puppy.
"-t-!" She bellows . There's a client meeting tomorrow you need to clean out the conference room. There is furniture polish in the credenza and a dustbuster in your desk."
I nearly swallow my tongue. She wants me to polish furniture and vacuum, with a DUST BUSTER!!!!

I watch as the last of my pride escapes my hunched over body as I wax the table and drop to my hands an knees to make sure the cracker crumbs don't distress the client.

I'm going to need another job. I now can consider myself a college educated scullery maid.

A Stream of Consciousness

Counting the minutes until I never have to return. There are many people I will miss and some I will not but things move on and I adapt.

Was I really so naive as to believe that the bank would cease to exist without me? Things will continue on the day after my last just as they did on my first. Transactions will occur, people will work, others will not, things will move forward (or not.)

My temp replacement got to work early on Monday, I waltzed in twenty minutes late with no apologies. I sat in my tiny workstation with her all day, wishing for a five minute reprieve so I could check my websites and fuck around for a bit. So much to show her and such little time.

I wrote a manual/guide of the things she will need in this position, trying my best to sugar coat what will eventually become an unpleasant experience for her. She read it, and highlighted passages, never has my writing been so studiously examined before and I felt flattered.

Today I sat in the vacant office and browsed the web while she did my work. My bliss was intermittently broken up with her questions and comments. My door stood still for no longer then five minutes at a time, all the people coming in and out to discuss and gossip before I was gone.

I didn't let the false power go to my head. The boss called at 5PM to tell me he wouldn't make it out to Jersey City tomorrow. He has a golf outing on Thursday so I won't be seeing him before my departure. I don't know if I should be hurt or relieved.

I will have margaritas as a lunch tomorrow and gather my things from the cubicle. I hope if I keep smiling and making snarky comments people won't know how terrified I truly am.

Update

Driving 10 mph in stop and go traffic I'm stuck behind an SUV while rob and the puppy nap in the passenger seat. Its Saturday and we've decided to take a road trip to my father's new Connecticut house. The change of scenery has done mew good as I contemplate my upcoming change of career. A week ago Thursday I had given my formal resignation in letter form that I had googled and edited. The letter itself was quite complementary and had given my boss an ego boost he sorely didn't need.

Looking forward to the advertising job I was due to start the following week. Working in a small boutique company, one that catered more to my skill set made me nervous with anticipation and self doubt. It has been so long since I've been able to be creative on the job. Well if you don't count all the lying to my boss that's occurred over the past 2 years.

I glance over at Rob sleeping knowing that he as a teacher gets almost 3 months vacation during the summer months. I realize how much I miss that luxury and I'm sure I will never enjoy it again. I face the road knowing that as a semi-adult there are a multitude of such luxuries I've chosen to give up. The large SUV looms ahead and I have issues seeing the road in front.

A traffic light turns red and I pull to a stop behind the SUV. All this time alone in my head is making me a bit crazy and I poke Rob with my finger tip hoping it will jar him awake. No such luck. The light turns green and the SUV pulls ahead. I in turn step on the gas and follow suit. Then out of nowhere the SUV jams on its brakes coming to a complete stop. I attempt to stop in time but no such luck. Traveling at the high speed of fifteen MPH I rear end the SUV. Rob wakes up in shock and holds the puppy tight to his chest. I wince as we make impact and drop my head in disgust as the radiator in my 99 Dodge Neon pops.

The driver of the SUV, a Hispanic woman in her mid thirties jumps out of the driver side door to make sure everyone is okay. We are, but before we can swap insurance info, she's back in her car and pulling away from the scene. I stare at the back of her vehicle as it pulls away noticing only a tiny ding in her muffler. I turn to survey my damage. The hood of my car has buckled and the radiator is hemorrhaging coolant all over the street.

I pull the car into a parking lot and wait for AAA. The car was on its way out anyway. The head gasket had busted 400 miles ago, but I was hoping I could push the poor thing through the summer. The 500 dollars I had just sunk into new tires didn't make this any better.

My car in shambles and my life on an upswing I sat on the curb and waited for the tow truck. The unusually cold June day made me grasp the sides of my jacket together and shiver a bit in the breeze. Always look forward never sideways or back. You never know when you're going to smash head front into something different.

In the Immortal words of Scarface from Half Baked

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!
Resgined from this hell last Thursday, and I'm watching the clock run out my last two weeks here. Details to follow.