Take Your Child to Work Day

Lovely festivities arranged until 3PM today + 2 hours until the parents can go home + 1 box of markers x 9 little girls = A very interesting day.

See and I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not the greatest with numbers.

No Way Out

I posted my resume and sat back waiting for the calls to come rolling in. The one thing I made very clear in my bio was that I was no longer interested in finance, banking, or any sort of financial industries. My BA is in Poli Sci/ English Writing and I sit on the board of directors for a charity so I figured I may as well try a new field seeing as how before I started working here I had no ties to accounting or finance.

The first call came the next morning at 7:30 AM, it was a recruiter who struggled to sound professional. He mangled the English language, inflections of a previous life smoking blunts and macking on shorties straining through his selection of words and tonalities, and then and there I realized I wanted nothing to do with him. The next one called at work, a perky thing on Park Avenue who couldn't grasp the no finance clause.

"I have a great opening, they're looking to fill ASAP, Citigroup..."

"Not interested I'm sorry."

"Good benefits high salary..."

"No financial jobs please go re-read my resume, I specified this as best I could."

"Well we have other openings, please see me on Tuesday 5PM."

I agreed to the appointment but I'm not going. The thing about recruiters is they're selling you as a product. When a car salesman talks you into buying the 16 disk changer you don't need, he's doing it to make a buck. I know the money's in finance right now and she may give me a few throw away interviews but when it comes down to it she's gonna push me into whatever field is going to pay her the most for my soul.

The third one called that afternoon, a smoker probably in her late 50's with a raspy voice and Brooklyn accent.

"-t- I saw your resume and I have a great opeining at Morgan Stanley I'd like to send you on."

I didn't even care at this point, I agreed and played the game. I stood her up yesterday morning and she called be four times to find out why. Taking pity on what was probably an emphysema case, I returned her call.

"I'm sorry I missed my appointment, it's just that I've made a conscious decision not to work in finance any more. I've specified on my resume that it's not for me."

"Honey..." She interrupted..."That's where it is right now, if you're going to leave one company you're just going to trade up in salary until you make what's comfortable and then when you retire you can pursue nobler causes."

That's it my life, summed up by one chain smoked saleswoman, I have at least 25 more years of this to look forward to.

I Just Can't Deal

I'm coping out, I know I should try to stick around and milk this place for what its worth, but honestly I can't find anything of worth anymore. The tuition reimbursement was a crock of shit spoon fed to me by an overgrown child faced with the demise of his career. I'm not an idiot, I would have taken the job for the other benefits. Medical insurance, hey that means I can get sick and not have to join one of those drug studies at Columbia to get medical treatment; Dental, my teeth have never been so pearly; financial stability, I now know what a 401k is, and can use it in a conversation without coming across as a poser.

I'm miserable when I get up in the morning. I can barely look in the mirror before I leave, and rarely do I make it in on time. I can't look at my boss without having waves of nausea pass over my body and my hatred for him grows stronger every day. I used to be able to rationalize my feelings into a small corner and function but these days I find myself dreaming about hitting him in the head with a blunt object while repeatedly chanting, "your career is over, you'll never be any more then you are now." You peaked awhile ago and have stayed on the top by your own sheer will, have fun on the trip back down asshole.

I posted a resume online the other day and recruiters have been calling me left and right. The only problem is the jobs they're offering are all related to the financial industry. I'm done with finance, I hate bankers, I hate accountants and now I also hate the French. I want to do something that makes me feel good about myself. Something noble, something that benefits more then just my bank account. I look at Rob and his job with children, he has his ups and downs but he loves what he does and it shows. I don't think I've ever been in that position. Making money simply to make money is fine for some people, but me, I need something more.

Proof

Let me clarify some things about my job. I work for the CFO of a company that is a smaller entity in a large foreign corporate investment bank. I work from the bank facilities and for all intesive purposes I am employed by the bank. Technically I am an employee of the Broker Dealer, I take all holidays as such and usually I don't have to come into work on days the US Stock Exchange is closed. The bank employees run on a slightly different schedule and are expected to work unless the foreign markets are closed. Friday April 14th (Good Friday) is a Broker Dealer holiday. The NYSE and the AMEX were closed and as such I was on a holiday, the banks employees were not.

That said I'm still battling whatever is going on with the possible cancer I mentioned in a previous post. Monday I went for my final test to see what exactly was going on. I called my boss and explained that I would not be in the office on Monday due to X procedure and I apologized for the late notice. Last Friday I had what is called a conical biopsy, which is a most uncomfortable procedure that required my overnight stay in a hospital and left me in considerable pain. I was out that Monday as well. I'm a good employee, I work hard and even made sure I continued working through my chemo treatments last year showing up to work tired and drained (but still showing up.)

This morning the following email was in my inbox, it had been cc'ed to HR*.

-t-
i do not understand the reason for your absence on friday and monday
i would like to discuss on tuesday with HR present the circumstances surrounding these two days of absences
you voice mail indicated the need for a medical procedure but such procedure is a one day situation not a friday to monday event and besides you indicated in a prior absence about two week ago (also a friday) that this same procedure would be necessary on that day.
also, i want to clarify how you will mark these days on your timesheet
sjd

*This email is as it was sent to me, spelling errors and grammatical issues intact. The only thing changed was the removal of my name.

So now my boss is not only a CFO, but a medical expert. He knows exectly what's going on with my condition and has the nerve to tell me what tests I have had and when. Like I previously stated Friday was a holiday, for both me and him (having no ability to recall anything of importance to anyone else but himself) he notified HR that I was not in the office on a HOLIDAY!!

Stupid fucker. Get out of my business, what I do for you in the office is the only part of my day you should be concerned with. If I rape small children and shoot smack on the weekends it shouldn't matter to you as long as I keep earning you money.

Excuse my lapse in sanity, but now it has become and issue and for all treatments beyond this date I must bring a note from my doctor and detailed explanation of why and when I will be out.

I referenced my credit card online and printed all medical bills from the last two weeks. I enclosed two pamphlets on cervical cancer from the American Cancer Society and printouts on the procedures I had to avoid any confusion. I made a tidy little package and sent it his way with a note explaining that I hoped this would be enough proof and thanking him for being so understanding about my current situation. Once they excise this tumor I'm going to put it in a baby food jar full of formaldehyde and leave it on his desk. How's that for proof!

Family

Writing about my family is something I'm a little hesitant to do. We are an odd bunch, mi famiglia is full of misfits and outcasts, with a few overconfident teens thrown in for good measure. But I was browsing my frequented blogs this morning and she wrote this great little post about her family so I have been inspired to share.

My parents are both in their mid fifties, my mom is lithe and tiny with a shock of curly black hair. My dad is tall and heavy, his midsection is a perma-pregnant belly, though if you make fun of it he'll have you punch it, and tell you it's all muscle. My dad is bi-polar (like myself) and my mom is a world class enabler. Its a wonder I don't pull out my hair rocking back and forth on the floor like some actress past her prime in one of those Lifetime movies of the week.

They separated eleven years ago when my father in one of his bi-polar rages attacked my mother and she called the cops. He greeted them at the door wearing nothing but his glasses.
"Sir could you please put some clothes on?" The middle age officer asked. It was like living in an episode from cops except my mom wasn't high on PCP.

Since his downfall they have lived in separate homes. My sister and I stayed with our mother in the apartment we grew up in and my father moved around from place to place. The last apartment I saw was a studio in Queens that struck me because of the way it was decorated, like he had emulated her eclectic style but hadn't been nuts enough to fully carry through.

My mom is an art teacher, and as such her large three bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side feels more cramped then my tiny one bedroom basement dwelling. Cramped with art supplies and any odd piece of furniture ("its an antique and I got it for a steal!") At first glance from an outside observer one may think an African family lived there. This is due to my mothers excessive collection of African art and masks and any sort of tribal/ethnic pieces that decorate her walls, shelves, bathrooms. In actuality, even though she professes to be open minded and expressive, my mother has turned out as neurotic and judgmental as the rest of her Italian family.

For eleven years my parents have lived apart and yet they remain married. They never even applied for a legal separation. In fact they date each other! At least once a year they give it a good old college try and begin to see if they can't work out what they haven't been able to work out nine billion times before. It starts out well and good but eventually it gets sticky and they retreat to their corners to lick their wounds and bad mouth the other until they start dating again. My parents love each other, they are attracted to each other, but they do not like each other very much.

At first I was weird about it, I mean when I would wake up in the morning and find my dad in the kitchen I didn't have to guess twice what had happened the night before. No child should be faced with their parents sex lives with any sort of regularity. But not that I'm out of the house and my sister is at college I figure the only people who get hurt are those involved and really I should let them be.

Its a strange situation I'm in. I remember growing up with school mates whose parents were divorced and shared a mutual disdain that was evident in any situation when two partied are forced together. I never wanted that to be my mom and dad but to explain to friends that my parents are in their infatuated stage and no I don't think they'll move in together again get a bit tiring.

My Life Before the Sellout

I was many things before my transformation into corporate drone. My previous employers ran the gamut from standard high school/college summer job (Camp counselor, lifeguard) to depraved and slightly embarrassing (Hooters anyone?) But I find that though I may retain the most amount of dignity in my current position I also carry skills learned at these menial establishments into my day to day office existence. Over the next few days I will highlight my experiences.

Job - Camp Counselor for 7 year old boys / Lifeguard
Place - Un-named day camp by Bear Mountain
Age - 16 to 22
Skills learned -
1. All boys (no matter how old) can be placated with a smile and a reassurance of their manhood. This helps greatly with the current boss.
2. Never wear a bikini to work, even if all those around you seem to find it acceptable. It is in no way acceptable for your jiggly woman parts to be flaunted in a paying position unless you're this girl. This doesn't necessarily relate to my current position but when I pick out my blouses in the morning I make sure to bend over in front of the mirror to see if you can catch a peek of Valhalla.
3. Men will be pervs and will try to get away with as much as you let them. I learned this one the hard way. Summer camps can be sexually charged and when your forty year old supervisor wants to join in the fun you must put your foot down and keep his dirty mind out of your business. I have watched in horror as grown men gave thirteen year old girls "backrubs" and stood at the waterfront gawking at those who dared break rule number 2. Again it matters not if you work in a summer camp or an office. Act the way you want to be treated and deter those who would try and make you insignificant because you were genetically designed to lack penis.
4. Women will destroy anyone they view as competition. Poor Rachel, one of my few good friends from this job. She was a pretty blond, and she had a great rack, she never stood a chance. Like a pack of rabid bitches the clique in power descended upon her making up rumors and vilifying each attempt at niceties she made. You're a better girl then they will ever be Ray. Nothing is uglier then a group of insecure girls who must destroy every perceived threat to their current standings among the male folk. I try my best to avoid this behavior and it is one of the few things that makes me ashamed to be a woman.
5. Never try to work with an ex, especially from a relationship that had just ended and lasted more then one year. Its degrading to have to answer to someone when you know that they're to lazy to fuck or do anything of merit when not employed by said summer job. Its even worse when your boss encourages that the two of you get back together because and I quote, "You two looked so nice with each other." Well, I don't think this will be an issue with my current job (all the men I work with are married or middle aged divorcees,) but it remains consistent with the pen and the company inkwell. Just don't it will be better for everyone involved.

The problem with most summer camps is that they are located in the suburbs, therefore you will be working with suburban people. Not to insult anyone, but as a city girl I found my relatability low to nil among this group of people. Its hard to blend in when you don't know your Abercrombie from your AE and could care less about the mall. I made some friends, and probably even more enemies working those summers. But I did catch a very nice tan (even though I had to wear one of those god-awful, oh-so-flattering racing suits by Speedo.)

Dropping Like Flies

Its that time of year again folks. No, I'm not talking about spring or daylight savings, its the time of year where my co-workers flee the bank like the Jews escaping from Egypt. They pack their things, tie their bread to their backs and wait at the marina downstairs for the Hudson river to part so they can make their way back to the promised land (NYC for those who don't know.) Four resignations in two weeks, well people I know, if you count everyone its more like 36.

This happens every year. Bonuses come out in mid March and once that wire transfer is completed the job hunt begins. Some leave for greener pastures, some leave because they can't deal with the French, but mostly its for the love of money. One woman's salary jumped $30,000 a year once she took her new position. The company has a good reputation of countering offers if they think your worth the money. This winds up in associates who answer to VP's who make less money then them. Ah business it all just makes perfect sense don't it.