Complacency

I found myself straightening up the conference room yesterday without a thought in my mind. Now I'm usually thinking to myself how unfair my situation is, or pehaps plotting my escape while I do their Cinderella tasks. I keep my mind occupied with thoughts of better places so I don't give up so to not be thinking a thing startled me a bit. Its rare for me to be so empty headed and I peered into the glass top to the walnut credenza to take a look at my face. Here I was; 25 years old, a college graduate with "big corporate" experience, and I was cleaning like a maid. It bothered me a lot during my first few weeks. I would come to work and reluctantly check the pantry; counting the coffee k-cups, making sure the stirrers, sugar, sweeteners, ect...were all stocked up, checking the paper trays in the printers and copiers, checking the fax machine and distributing the morning mail. Then I would check the refrigerator to make sure our supply of milk hadn't run out (it inevitably would have) and then I would trudge downstairs to the store to restock. I hated each step, each moment of this routine, hoping that if I slept in a bit someone else would take care of it for me.

Now I find myself going through the motions; doing things without being consciously aware that I'm doing them. Does this mean I've accepted my fate, I don't mean to sound like a whiner (I know, I know that's all I ever seem to do) but this isn't right. When I was at the bank I felt as if I didn't leave I would be stuck there forever. I was feeling old and tired even though I had no reason to be. I moved on, I guess you could say I jumped off a cliff without bothering to check if crash pad was fully inflated. It wasn't and at first I bitched and moaned about the pain but now it seems as if my body has adapted.

I just want to know when things will stop being so tedious, when will I be able to complete the work day without double and triple checking the clock each hour. I feel aimless and useless but worst of all I think I'm becoming complacent and I don't think I'm ready to jump again yet.